


Stages of Love

by amine



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Falling In Love, Insecurity, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amine/pseuds/amine
Summary: "The thought that this beautiful, if incredibly silly, human being had been wanting to ask him out was far too good to be true, but who was he to pass up such an opportunity?"(Another brand new fic, yay!)





	1. Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> I found a challenge on a LiveJournal community (stagesoflove) that I wanted to try out. It seems that there were themes associated with it, but this is the last posted one (I think?). It will consist of five short fics set in the same 'verse.
> 
> The five stages associated with the challenge are:  
> 1\. Attraction  
> 2\. Romance  
> 3\. Passion  
> 4\. Intimacy  
> 5\. Commitment
> 
> I'm labeling it as teen for now, but as you may guess from the list there, the rating may be bumped up.

Arthur loved going to the aquarium and just sitting on a bench to watch the fish swimming in the largest tank. There was something extremely relaxing about watching the fish serenely swim by, something magical about the variety of shapes and colors amongst the fish, the glitter of scales, and, of course, the intimidation of the occasional shark.

“Did you know that sharks stay buoyant because they have lots of oil in their livers? They don’t have swim bladders like bony fish.”

Arthur snapped out of his peaceful reverie when a young man probably around his age approached him with a smile. His nametag identified him as a volunteer by the name of Alfred. Part of Arthur wanted to ask him to leave so he could go back to his meditation, since it was the one time of day that there weren’t several screaming children running around, but a shallow and much louder part of him found Alfred attractive and thought a little eye candy wasn’t a bad way to break up the day.

“I’d heard something like that before, yes.”

Alfred’s smile brightened, and it was made all the more pleasant by the way his smile reached his eyes, which, even behind glasses and in the relative dark of the aquarium hallway, were blue enough to put the ocean to shame. Arthur was thankful for the slight darkness when his cheeks warmed at the thought.

“You come here a lot, don’t you? I think you’ve been here every time I’ve volunteered, so I guess it makes sense you’d already know my cool fact, ha ha!”

Arthur paused for a moment. He was certain that he would have remembered seeing Alfred, because that shallow part of him would have wanted to watch Alfred in addition to the fish.

Not that he’d ever say that, of course.

“I find it relaxing to watch the fish in this tank. I don’t recall ever seeing _you_ before, though.”

“I’m usually upstairs making sure kids don’t pull the sea stars out of the touch tank, ha ha.” 

Alfred walked a little closer and turned to stare at the tank. Arthur watched him in fascination, noting his exquisite jawline, but he quickly turned his attention to the tank when Alfred turned to look at him. He blinked as he shifted his attention to Alfred, pretending that he hadn’t been admiring Alfred’s face instead of the fish.

“This is probably my favorite tank, too. I really wanted to be a marine biologist, but it turns out I really suck at biology. Bummer, huh?”

“Ah…yes, that’s a shame.”

“I’m studying physical oceanography instead now, so it’s kind of the same thing, right? But even if I’m not going to be a marine biologist, I really like volunteering here and talking about the animals.” Alfred paused to look up at the tank for a moment, his eyes following a school of herring before he turned back to Arthur. “So how about you? What do you do?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow, wondering if Alfred was this “friendly” with everyone, or maybe he was just so smitten already that he was imagining that Alfred was showing some interest in him. Regardless, as solitary as he tended to be, it was nice to have a friendly interaction with another person. He shifted on the bench and looked back at the tank as another hammerhead shark swam by.

“I’ll be finishing a music therapy program this year. I also play the piano and guitar.”

“Oh, cool! I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who does that before.”

Arthur made a small noise of acknowledgement, and then silence followed. They both watched the tank for a while, but Arthur noted the way Alfred was progressively shifting his weight more and more. Arthur turned his attention back to Alfred, only to find Alfred looking away and biting his lip. Finally, Alfred straightened up and smiled, though there was a definite nervous edge to it.

“Oh, man, this is really unprofessional and maybe a little creepy, but could I possibly get your phone number? I’ve been meaning to ask you out for the longest time now.”

For several long moments, Arthur sat there as his mind attempted to parse those words. Something must have short-circuited in his brain, though, because he couldn’t comprehend what Alfred had just said to him. As he sat there staring at Alfred, Alfred’s nervous smile faded into a horrified grimace.

“Oh…oh, shit. You probably don’t even like men, right? Crap, please, _please_ don’t tell anyone I asked you that! I really want to keep volunteering here! I’ll stay away from this tank from now on if you want and—”

“Wait.” 

Alfred froze as Arthur’s mind finally caught up to him. As Alfred stared at him, Arthur felt a hot blush creep up onto his cheeks. The thought that this beautiful, if incredibly silly, human being had been wanting to ask him out was far too good to be true, but who was he to pass up such an opportunity? He reflected Alfred’s previous nervous smile.

“Do you have your phone?”

Alfred’s face once again brightened, and Arthur’s blush only deepened at how charming it was. Still, as he entered his number into Alfred’s proffered phone, he decided he loved the aquarium that much more.


	2. Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to have alternating POVs, so Alfred gets the even numbered chapters, and Arthur gets the odd numbered ones.

Alfred stopped counting the number of dates he and Arthur had been on after he stopped feeling anxious enough to throw up before each date, and started becoming more aware of how comfortable he felt around Arthur in general. 

Arthur, in turn, who had remained rather quiet and nonreactive during their first few dates, had also started to come out of his shell a bit. Where he’d remained quiet and nodded in agreement to Alfred’s opinions on the movies they saw, now he had scathing criticisms for almost all of them. He wasn’t as shy about criticizing Alfred as well—a habit that Alfred felt comfortable to playfully return—and he became more willing to divulge personal information.

On that particular date, they had opted to go to a local fair and eat a lot of junk, ride cheesy rides, and listen to whatever bands had been scheduled to play. Arthur’s free hand dangling at his side had been calling to Alfred all afternoon, but he hadn’t quite worked up to the point where he felt comfortable holding Arthur’s hand just yet.

“Hard to believe that you’re two years younger than me, and yet we’re going to finish our programs at the same time.”

Alfred grinned and shrugged as he ate his ice cream. “I took advantage of free college credits in high school when I was a junior and senior, so I started out with two years under my belt already.”

“I wish I could have done that. I would have happily taken any opportunity to move away from my brothers sooner.”

That caught Alfred’s attention, as Arthur had never brought up his family before. He glanced at Arthur out of the corner of his eye, gauging his expression and whether it would be okay to press further.

“Yeah? You have brothers?”

Arthur scoffed, but he didn’t seem like he was annoyed with having to talk about it. “Four of them. Three older and one younger. The older ones mercilessly teased me my entire life, and the younger one is the most annoying little bugger.” Arthur paused to shake his head. “I suppose it was more that I was the quiet one in the middle with three overbearing older brothers and a younger brother who demanded even more attention than the three of them. They weren’t horrible or anything, but sometimes I felt dreadfully lonely.”

Alfred had to clench his free fist to keep from acting on the powerful urge to hug Arthur and tell him that he didn’t have to feel lonely anymore. He just smiled as reassuringly as he could at Arthur, who finally returned it with a small grin of his own. Alfred shifted his weight and took another bite of his ice cream.

“I don’t have any siblings myself. My cousin is three days older than me, though, and we look so similar that people mistake us for twins a lot. He might as well be my brother with how much shit he gives me and I give him. We always spent our summers together at the beach, which was why I decided that I wanted to be a marine biologist. I didn’t always get to see him, though, so I was lonely a lot, too.”

Before Arthur could respond, Alfred let out a gasp as he saw a piano open to be played by the public. He turned to Arthur and nodded towards the piano.

“You think you could play something for me? I could probably benefit from some of your music therapy. I’ve had some problems with anxiety.”

It wasn’t a lie. Part of why he’d taken the volunteer position at the aquarium was to force himself to interact with people and avoid the sometimes powerful desire to stay in his dorm room and never have to deal with anyone.

It had also been the reason he’d done the college credits in high school. The terror of failure had driven him to burn through schoolwork like a man possessed, but even if the end result had been positive, it had overall been a rough point in his life. He’d lost a lot of sleep and isolated himself from his loved ones, and his health in general had taken a hit. His mother had finally made him see a doctor when he’d had a panic attack in public, and the care he’d taken to hide his problems from everyone else proved to be for nothing in the end.

He was better at dealing with it now, and better at keeping others from knowing that he had any problems. Still, he had his moments, and his earliest dates with Arthur proved how hard it was sometimes to meet new people. It was nice to be comfortable around Arthur, and to be comfortable spending time with him on dates that weren’t just staying in his dorm room and playing a video game or something.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t say anything about his admission. Alfred wondered if Arthur didn’t believe him and thought that maybe he was just using that as a fake excuse to get Arthur to play. There was no need to press the issue, though. Perhaps it was smart to just play along that it was just a joke. At least for the moment. 

“I suppose I could play something…”

Arthur walked ahead of him, and Alfred watched him for a moment before he jogged to catch up. He quickly finished what was left of his ice cream so he could focus as Arthur took a seat at the piano bench. He ran his fingers over the keys, staring into space before his eyes lit up. After testing a few of the keys, he began to play a slow and sad sounding piece.

Alfred vaguely recognized the piece, though he would never be able to give the title, but more fascinating to him was watching Arthur as he played. If there were other people around, he didn’t notice, as the world faded to just Arthur. Arthur’s eyes were closed and he moved with the slow tempo of the music as if feeling it on a physical plane, his fingers sweeping gracefully across the keys. Alfred felt more relaxed just watching him. If Arthur made any mistakes, he never let it show, but continued on until he finally held on the last notes. 

He finally opened his eyes and relaxed his hands, and Alfred clapped and whistled through his fingers. A small crowd of people that had gathered to listen joined in the applause. Arthur’s cheeks turned pink and he was doing a terrible job of hiding his pleased smile. It just made Alfred clap harder.

“Wow! You’re really amazing!”

Arthur coughed and waved his hand dismissively, but it was still clear that he was very pleased with the reaction. “There are far more difficult pieces out there. That one is fairly simple.”

“Aww, come on, you can be smug about it. But hey! Have you written any of your own music?”

Arthur froze, but he slowly nodded and scratched the back of his head. “Ah…yes, I have.”

“You think you could play some for me?”

Arthur’s cheeks instantly flared and he turned away, busying himself with staring at the keys on the piano. “Oh no. No no, I won’t be doing that.”

Alfred almost insisted, but he wondered if this wasn’t Arthur’s own little hang up. It wouldn’t be fair to press Arthur to play music if he was going to keep quiet about certain things himself. 

Instead, he smiled and held out his hand. “Nah, don’t worry about it. Maybe we can find another crappy ride to go on instead.”

Arthur stared at him and then stared at his proffered hand. Alfred realized what he was doing and jerked his hand back, his face falling, but Arthur’s expression softened as he stood up and closed the distance between them. He gently took the hand that Alfred had previously offered and threaded their fingers. Alfred’s cheeks warmed and he stared down at their clasped hands, before he jerked his head up to look into Arthur’s warm and fond expression.

“Do you think…um, may I kiss you?”

Alfred swallowed, his cheeks warming further, but he nodded quickly. Arthur chuckled and used his free hand to cup Alfred’s cheek and pull him closer. Alfred’s lips parted slightly just before the remaining distance was closed.

Even if he knew it was ridiculous, that first kiss was like an electric shock, and he slowly stepped closer to Arthur, slipping his free arm around him to pull him closer as they continued to kiss each other. The soft, but still somehow electrifying kisses continued until Arthur finally pulled back with flushed cheeks.

“Ah…I’m sorry, but you’re just so very sweet I couldn’t resist.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Alfred leaned forward to give Arthur a quick peck on the lips to prove his point. When he pulled away, he grinned. “Besides, you’re pretty damn sweet, too.”

Arthur looked ready to give some sort of sarcastic quip in reply, but instead he tugged on Alfred’s hand, still firmly clasped in his, pulling Alfred back into another lingering kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined Arthur playing the second movement of Beethoven's ["Pathetique"](https://youtu.be/iCL5sHzlDOI), but you may have imagined something a bit different. :)


	3. Passion

Alfred lived in a single dorm room in the building that was purported to have the best meals on campus—two luxuries that Arthur had never enjoyed in his academic career at that university. As he approached the dormitory, Alfred jumped up from the bench he’d been waiting on and beckoned Arthur to follow him. It had been some time since Arthur had been inside one of those buildings, but as he followed Alfred inside and walked to his room, he found that it really wasn’t any different, with the usual hustle and bustle of students going to and from classes or chatting with friends.

As for him, he lived in a flat off-campus with his roommate, Gilbert. Gilbert was in a polyamorous relationship with two of Arthur’s other friends, Antonio and Francis, and Arthur had once been a part of that particular relationship, as well. His first and only attempt at a relationship.

The sex had been incredible, and he’d never been left wanting for physical gratification, but it was ultimately an emotionally unfulfilling arrangement. It may have worked for them, but Arthur found himself wanting more of an emotional connection with them. Any of them. Instead, like with his family, he often felt overlooked and overshadowed. 

Ultimately, he’d broken it off. He remained friendly enough with them that he lived with Gilbert and didn’t mind seeing the other two, even if there were times that they clearly only came to the flat to disappear into Gilbert’s room and make enough noise to leave nothing to the imagination.

He was glad for them, honestly, but he knew that his emotional needs wouldn’t be met in a relationship like that. He wanted someone who would focus all of their love on him, and whom he could fully love in return.

Which was where Alfred came in. True, it had started off as a shallow attraction that he honestly hadn’t expected to go anywhere, but Alfred was earnest and sweet, and he was so awkward at times that it was adorable. Arthur genuinely enjoyed being with him.

While he knew that it was too soon to call what he felt for Alfred love, he also couldn’t deny his affection. For someone as reclusive as he was, it was surprisingly easy to open up to Alfred. He found himself going to the aquarium not to meditate or escape from anything, but to see Alfred in his element. He loved seeing Alfred’s eyes light up as he explained fish schooling to a group of children on a field trip, or the gentle way he’d explain why those same children shouldn’t try to remove the sea stars from the touch pool. He had a passion that was infectious to anyone who would give him their time and attention.

What he liked most of all, though, was when the children were gone, and Alfred would sit with him at the tank where they’d first met and just quietly watch the fish with him. While they would just sit in comfortable silence early on, now they would sometimes hold each other’s hand, or even kiss if there was no one else around. Everything about their relationship was gentle and sweet, slowly moving closer together and reaching a level of comfort and understanding that Arthur had craved.

It was why he felt so terrible for feeling restless and wanting more.

Alfred gave him a sheepish smile as he ushered Arthur into his dorm room, and Arthur gingerly stepped inside to look around. Alfred had obviously cleaned it in a hurry in anticipation of his arrival, judging by the socks that had been pushed to the side and the papers sticking haphazardly out of books and notebooks on the small bookshelf. Arthur chuckled to himself, knowing that he would have absolutely railed Alfred if the room had been a dump.

The room was without much personal flair, other than a quilt that had clearly been handmade especially for him, as well as a large corkboard above a cluttered desk. Other than reminders and a calendar, the board was full of inspirational messages and quotes. One message in particular struck Arthur, but he opted not to question Alfred about it. ‘Don’t panic’, it said. 

An iPod wrapped up in a pair of earbuds lay on the desk, and Arthur lifted it up to examine its contents. The last thing Alfred had listened to was the same Chopin piece that Arthur had played for him the day before, and Arthur’s heart did a thrilled little leap in his chest.

He finally took a seat on Alfred’s bed, and Alfred scratched his head and took a seat at the desk instead.

“So…this is my room.”

“It’s nice. You’re lucky to be able to live by yourself…well, mostly.”

“Ha ha, I had a good reason for getting a single room.”

Arthur made a noise of acknowledgement, and then an awkward silence followed as they both fidgeted. Surely Alfred hadn’t asked him over simply to admire his sparse décor and relative solitude, but he wasn’t sure if Alfred would be the one to drop the pretense or if Arthur would have to make a move.

After continued silence and awkward staring, Alfred shifted in the chair and cleared his throat. “You can…take off your sweater if you’re warm.”

“I think I will.” Arthur didn’t waste time pulling his jumper over his head and setting it to the side. Alfred’s cheeks were flushed as he finished and met his gaze again, and Arthur contemplated taking off his shirt, just to gauge Alfred’s reaction.

He didn’t though, but he did lean back on Alfred’s bed in invitation. For a moment, he was afraid Alfred wouldn’t take the hint and he’d just have to climb onto Alfred’s lap and be through with subtlety, but then Alfred stumbled out of his chair and nearly tripped on his way over to the bed. He looked a mixed of terrified, dazed, and excited, but the moment he sat down, he froze.

Arthur sat up again, and he knew then that things wouldn’t progress unless he made the first move. He gently removed Alfred’s glasses to set on the nearby table, pausing momentarily to stare into Alfred’s wide eyes before pulling him into a kiss.

That seemed to be enough to hit some sort of switch in Alfred’s mind, because suddenly Arthur was practically in Alfred’s lap as the kiss was returned with dizzying enthusiasm. This time, Arthur opened his mouth and licked at Alfred’s lips, and he was rewarded with Alfred’s lips parting enough for Arthur to slip his tongue into Alfred’s mouth.

Up until that point, every kiss they’d shared had been closed mouth, so the chance to do more was muddling Arthur’s thoughts in the most delightful way. Alfred’s tongue met his, and they alternated between exploring each other’s mouths, sucking on each other’s tongues, and nipping at each other’s lips.

Arthur finally lay back and pulled Alfred on top of him, and he guided one of Alfred’s hands to push up his shirt and feel the skin underneath. Alfred complied, and Arthur groaned as he fumbled with the buttons on Alfred’s flannel shirt to have the chance to return the favor. When he finally got the last button loose, he broke away from Alfred to push the shirt open and off Alfred’s shoulders and get a look at his body. He wasn’t a model or a bodybuilder or anything like that, but he had a nice body, and Arthur licked his lips as he thought about exploring every part of Alfred’s chest and abs with both his fingers and tongue. His conquest was stopped before it even started by Alfred tilting his chin and kissing him again, but Arthur could be patient.

While Alfred was busy kissing him nearly senseless, Arthur hooked a leg around Alfred’s thigh, pulling him close enough to rub their crotches together. Alfred let out a whimper as they started to rut against each other, and Arthur groaned as it became very clear very quickly that Alfred was just as eager as he was.

Just as he was deciding that they needed far fewer clothes on, Alfred suddenly pulled away with a gasp. He panted and swallowed several times before he spoke.

“Maybe…maybe we should stop.”

A very loud and insistent part of Arthur almost instantly disagreed. There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to have sex with Alfred—to feel connected to him in more than one way.

That thought was what made him pause. Physical gratification was one thing, an emotional connection with another person was something different altogether. He thought of sex with Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio. Even if the physical pleasure had been intensely gratifying, he’d always ultimately felt unsatisfied. It wasn’t their fault, but he needed more than just a rough fuck.

He wanted to have sex with Alfred to feel connected to him on an emotional level that words couldn’t describe, not just to get off. If they had sex now, he wasn’t sure if it would mean anything beyond a tumble on Alfred’s bed.

Arthur finally let out a sigh and nodded.

“I think you’re right.”

Alfred nodded back and pulled up and away, and Arthur bit his lip to keep from moaning in disappointment at the loss of the heat and hardness of Alfred’s body. He slowly sat up, as well, and turned to watch Alfred. He looked wonderfully disheveled, with kiss swollen lips and mussed hair and a bare heaving chest, and Arthur couldn’t help but lean over to kiss his neck. Alfred swallowed, and Arthur moved to kiss and suck at Alfred’s Adam’s apple in response to the movement.

Alfred squirmed, his breathing becoming just as shallow as it was before. He gently pushed Arthur back and cupped his cheek.

“Maybe…we don’t have to stop completely, though?”

Arthur nodded as he was guided into a much softer, much less insistent kiss. He closed his eyes as Alfred’s tongue entered his mouth to massage his own tongue at a much more sedate, but no less pleasurable pace. He lifted his own hands to Alfred’s face as he returned the maneuver, but it wasn’t long before Alfred moved his attentions to Arthur’s neck, causing Arthur to let out a delighted laugh.

Maybe what he was feeling was love, after all.


	4. Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some rather frank talk of mental illness (specifically anxiety) in this chapter, as a warning just in case. :)
> 
> Also, oops, didn't mean to let this go over a month without an update. :'|

Alfred finally got to go over to Arthur’s apartment after returning from winter break, where he had the chance to meet Arthur’s roommate, Gilbert. Gilbert looked him over and turned to give Arthur a meaningful look, but the look Arthur gave Gilbert in return could have turned magma into ice.

Alfred wasn’t sure what either of those looks meant, but he was happy to learn that Gilbert played many of the same types of video games that he did, which gave them plenty to bond over. After several rounds of loud and aggressive gameplay, Arthur almost literally dragged Alfred away to his room.

Once they were in there and the adrenaline rush of gaming had worn off, Alfred sat with Arthur on his bed and kissed him.

“Missed you while I was gone,” he said softly and lifted Arthur’s hands to his cheeks.

Arthur nodded and kissed him, and after almost a month of only having text messages and video chats to tide him over, he put up no resistance to lying back on Arthur’s bed and making out with him.

He wondered, though, as Arthur pinned him down and ravished his mouth, if Arthur wasn’t frustrated that they hadn’t had sex yet. He knew very well of his own needs, so he could only imagine how Arthur felt. He was a virgin, though, and the thought of performing poorly, no matter what they did, triggered his anxiety something awful.

He felt lucky that Arthur had been respectful of his boundaries, but he wondered how long that would last.

Although it was tough, he broke away from Arthur’s lips and sat up, pulling Arthur with him.

“Can I…can I be honest with you about something?”

Arthur’s brows furrowed, but he nodded. Alfred sighed and broke away from Arthur. He swung his legs over the side of Arthur’s bed and folded his hands in his lap.

“You remember the first time you played the piano for me? And I told you I could use some music therapy myself?” Alfred paused to look at Arthur, who slowly nodded. Alfred bit his lip and stared at his hands. Finally, he took a deep breath and continued. “I…wasn’t lying when I said that I have problems with anxiety.”

He heard Arthur’s sharp intake of breath, and he felt more than saw Arthur shift over to sit next to him.

“It’s…been going on for a while, though I couldn’t really tell you when exactly it started. Sometime in middle school maybe? Though that just might’ve been when I really noticed it. There were days…there were times when I thought I was having a heart attack or that I couldn’t breathe or that I was going to die. I could have sworn my chest was being crushed. There were days…there still _are_ days…where all I want to do is lock myself away in my room and never come out. 

“I didn’t want to let anyone, not even my parents, know because everyone expected me to be perfect and have this perfect life. They’d tell me oh, you’re so smart and good-looking and talented. You’re really going to do great things. I didn’t want them to know that I’d stay up all night before even a calculus test, even if math was always my subject, because the fear of failing it made it impossible for my thoughts to shut up enough for me to sleep. I didn’t want them to know that sometimes I’d go out of my way to avoid meeting new people. I didn’t want them to know that the future scared me so much I actually thought about killing myself just so I wouldn’t have to face it. I guess…in the end, not letting anyone know and trying to live up to those expectations just made my anxiety worse.”

He paused as Arthur took his hand, and he turned to look at Arthur, who gave him a gentle smile and rubbed his palm. He gave a shaky smile back, and he took a deep breath before he continued.

“The day my mom found out...we were at the mall getting new clothes or something. We went to a department store and there were all these salespeople trying to help out. I think between the people and the thought that I was going to start my last year of high school overwhelmed me so much that I had a panic attack right there in the store. It was worse because there were all those people looking at me and I completely broke down. My mom scheduled me an appointment that afternoon.

“At first, I really hated the therapy, because I felt like my therapist was judging me, too, but it really did help. I’m not going to pretend like I’m 100% cured or anything, but I deal with it better now. I can live a mostly normal life and go to class and meet new people and not feel like my chest is going to be crushed.”

“If…if I ever made you feel like—”

“No, no, you…No, I guess I can’t say that I’ve _never_ felt anxious around you, especially at first, but in general I really feel comfortable around you. I mean it. When I’m around you, I feel really calm. I don’t feel the constant fear of screwing up…most of the time anyway. I guess I feel like it’s _okay_ to screw up around you, you know? That you’re not going to judge me. I guess…there is one thing, though. If you’re frustrated that we haven’t had sex yet, it’s not you. You’re really sexy and I want you, but I can’t help getting anxious just thinking about how many different ways I could screw that up, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot, so—”

He was cut off by Arthur cupping his cheeks and kissing him soundly on the lips. “Shh, you don’t need to justify it, Alfred. I’m perfectly fine with waiting. Even if we never have sex, I’m happy with you.” Arthur kissed him again, pausing for a moment just to stroke his cheeks and press gentle kisses to his lips. He finally pulled away, though he kept their faces close. “Thank you for telling me.”

Alfred felt tears prick at his eyes, and he placed his hands over Arthur’s and nodded. “Thanks for letting me tell you.”

They resumed kissing again, and it was that much sweeter now that Alfred had gotten that off his chest and Arthur hadn’t laughed or rejected him. At length, Arthur pulled away and bit his lip.

“May I tell you something, as well?”

Alfred nodded, and he took Arthur’s hand as Arthur settled next to him.

“I can’t say that I ever had to deal with anything as awful as you did, but I did feel terribly lonely as a child, just as I told you. My brothers would play with me sometimes, but I was more interested in books and music. My family had a piano that was more of a decoration in an unused music room. My mother found me attempting to play it and had it tuned and cleaned for me. I also started taking lessons to learn to play. I entered a competition here or there, but that was never the point of playing the piano for me. As for the guitar, well…my best mate wanted to start a band and he convinced me to learn the guitar. That never went anywhere, of course, but I still enjoyed playing it. I play acoustic guitar almost exclusively now, though. It’s almost as soothing as the piano for me. Whenever I sat at the piano, I could easily forget how lonely I felt sometimes, and I’d get swept up in the music.

“I…decided to be a music therapist because I wanted others to feel the calm and contentment that I felt when I listened to music. I want to share the joy that music brings me when I need it the most.”

When Arthur said no more, Alfred kissed him and smiled. Arthur smiled back, and they shared a laugh.

For a while, they sat in Arthur’s room as Arthur took various requests for songs to play on his guitar, and Alfred clapped and hollered no matter how off Arthur was, and Arthur exaggerated his bow every time.

Finally, he set the guitar aside and stood up. He held out his hand for Alfred to take.

“Will you come with me? There’s something I want to show you.”

They bundled up in their winter gear and left Arthur’s apartment, and they held hands as Alfred followed half a step behind Arthur. The snow crunched beneath their feet and their breath came out in small puffs in front of them as they walked across the mostly empty campus. Arthur shivered in the cold night air, and Alfred stepped a little bit closer to share his body heat.

That late summer day when he met Arthur seemed so long ago, and he had to marvel had how close they’d become in those short months since they’d met. Maybe it was too soon to call Arthur “the one”, but he’d never felt so connected to another person in his life.

Arthur led them to one of the music buildings on campus, where he pulled Alfred into one of the practice rooms with a piano. Arthur sat at the piano and ran his fingers over the keys, and looked at Alfred as he sat down nearby.

“Will you let me play my music for you? This is something that I want to do, but only for you.”

Alfred’s eyes widened, and he very quickly nodded. Arthur gave him a hesitant smile, and he turned his attention to the piano. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he began to play.

Alfred could swear that the atmosphere in the room changed with the first note, and he also had to close his eyes to let the music sweep over him. The piece was slow and sad, and even without words Alfred could easily picture a story told of a lifetime of loneliness and isolation, something he could understand and commiserate with. 

When the piece was finished, he didn’t open his eyes until Arthur’s voice broke his thoughts.

“Alfred?”

He realized then that he was crying, and he pulled off his glasses to wipe at his eyes and sniffle. He got up to join Arthur on the piano bench, while Arthur gave him an anxious look.

“It was beautiful,” he said, and the smile he received in return could have brought about an early spring.


End file.
